If my clavicle could contest…

Today’s slice was inspired by The Isolation Journals Day 15 prompt from Kiese Layman, “write about the funniest thing to happen to you in the past year and write from the point of view of an inanimate object that bore witness to it.

Welp, April 14, 2019 was supposed to be an extraordinary day.  I was prepared to do my normal thing, support and balance out your upper body. It was your first full day of your San Diego trip and you were ready to be embraced by the sun, the warmth, and the beauty of palm trees swaying in the ocean breeze.  

You got dressed, went to breakfast, and ignored the pervasive jet lag of flying cross country the night prior.  In order to best explore San Diego, you couldn’t wait to give the electric scooter trend a try as it had been a few decades since you manually powered your knock-off Razor scooter around the twists and turns of your adolescent neighborhood streets.  I must admit, you made me a little nervous when you first zoomed off on the Bird scooter through the sunny neighborhood streets of San Diego.  You said riding an electric scooter made you feel like you were ziplining again, which is an activity you somehow managed to try and love despite your crippling fear of heights.  As your resident upper body stabilizer, however, I have been there with you through a few slips and falls.  Somehow, this time around, I underestimated your lack of coordination.  It turns out the speed was nothing to be worried about because you just had to cruise in a straight line. No no, it was not the speed but the coordination, or lack thereof, that really did you in.  Instead of breaking me from going too fast, you broke me from going too slow and making too sharp of a turn.  Alas, I would be your first … broken bone that is.  

You did not know I was broken just yet.  Instead, your intense denial and stubbornness (and perhaps shock) had you thinking you dislocated my neighbor, shoulder socket. No, it was not until a few days later and an x-ray confirming what you did to me, broke me right in two! I was so upset, I nearly poked through your skin!  That’ll show you, I thought. But the joke was on me. I underestimated the medical advice you would receive and little did I know, a month later I would see the light of an operating room and meet many faces covered in masks.  When I saw the drill, the metal plate, and six screws coming for me, I regretted nothing.  You hit the proverbial and literal nail on my head and gave me what I always wanted- invincibility. Nay, no other bone in your body dons the gear I have.  I am… superior!  Muahahaha. 

6 thoughts on “If my clavicle could contest…

  1. From the bone’s point of view…I fear this bone knows you too well! Love its gloating over all the other bones in your body. Don’t let it break again, though. That’ll show her.

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  2. I love “I was so upset, I nearly poked through your skin! That’ll show you, I thought. But the joke was on me.” and the evil laugh at the end. I didn’t try this prompt; I need to step out of my comfort zone more—just like I used to advise my students—but you’ve inspired me! Vivid writing, funny and smart. Glad I discovered your blog!

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  3. I love the perspective of this piece. The use of the bone’s perception and feelings makes it a strong, strong story.

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  4. Personification always reels me in. You did a great job with this essay. So many terrific lines. You should get this published!

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  5. Meg, I love this piece!!! I am so glad I returned this morning. I needed something to pick up my spirits and your funny piece told from the point of view of the bone, did it! However, I am also thinking from the point of view of you – ouch! Another friend told me about the Isolation Jounral prompts. I need to check them out. Looking forward to writing more this summer. Maybe I should try being brave and write from a different point of view. It would definitely be outside my comfort-zone. Thanks for the nudge!

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  6. Good heavens! The break in the x-ray makes me cringe … can’t imagine the pain. This vain, vain collarbone has a voice to be reckoned with. How I admire your (its!) wit in relaying the tale from this perspective, from “underestimating your coordination” to the bone’s feeling so victorious over becoming “invincible” with all its new gear. Hilarious how your clavicle turns something extremely unfortunate into its perceived fortune. I wonder – from this safer distance and point in time – if you smiled as you wrote, recounting the event as your bone might.

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